


taste of freedom

by azurinigos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Transphobia, gets domestic at the end, implied bi iwaizumi, not totally canon compliant but it's nothing unforgivable don't worry, trans oikawa, unintentional misgendering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 11:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7616347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azurinigos/pseuds/azurinigos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a series of drabbles about Oikawa coming into his own and Iwaizumi being the perfect boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	taste of freedom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my sweetheart](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+sweetheart).



     Oikawa supposed he should've known he wasn't like everyone else when he ripped off his shirt, barely three years old, hollering "I'm a boy, I'm a boy!" at the top of his lungs throughout his house, feeling freer than he ever had in those moments of childhood.  
But these thoughts were pushed back. There were expectations, little girls shouldn't do that, little girls should wear dresses, little girls don't take off their shirts, little girls didn't feel free like that. Girls. The word seemed oddly unfamiliar on Oikawa's tongue when he thought of himself.  
But Oikawa, for the most part conformed to this expectation, wearing his older sister's hand-me-downs, feeling something that he couldn't quite put into words at such a young age. He learned to ignore it.  
He had a childhood friend, Iwaizumi Hajime, a friend set up by their parents to go on play dates with. Their mothers giggled, smiling fondly at the two, at how well they got along, how they couldn't wait for their wedding. Oikawa was the first to react, making faux puking noises, always ever so dramatic. Iwaizumi followed in his distaste and mimicked the disgust that his friend had shown. The two, despite their parents' suspicions, stayed as just friends throughout their childhood.

***

In junior high, however, Oikawa and Iwaizumi grew apart, as it seemed natural. But Oikawa didn't want to distance himself from his best friend, he only knew he should, he had to, for a few reasons. The first, and easiest to come to terms with, was that his mother was concerned that he didn't have more female friends, she was worried about him. Mrs. Oikawa loved Hajime like her own son, she just wanted the best for her child's social development, naturally, and that was easy for Oikawa to spit back at Iwaizumi, if the boy ever asked Oikawa why it was that he had been avoiding him.  
The other reason Oikawa had been avoiding him though, was simply that he was too comfortable being himself around Iwaizumi, too familiar, acting in ways around him he only showed to himself, late at night, when he was feeling particularly courageous. Iwaizumi had made him feel free again, and Oikawa was doing his best to build himself into a box to be trapped forever, hiding, trying to convince himself that he was comfortable in the confines.  
On top of the trial of distancing himself from such an important person like Iwaizumi Hajime, he had to overcome the trial of puberty. He cringed at his developing breasts, the pretty pastel bras his mother would have him buy, his widening hips, his long hair, his feminine features. It was wrong, it was all wrong, he hated it.  
But then again, how could it be wrong when everyone made a fuss about just how right it was! How he was such a beautiful young woman! It was nauseating. He looked himself up and down, cupped his breasts, wrinkled his nose and threw on a baggy shirt to try to conceal it, as if doing that would just make them go away.  
It didn't.  
So, to fill the void of losing a best friend, and to distract him from his apparent blooming femininity, he buried himself in volleyball. He had played it for fun with Hajime when they were kids, sure, but he began to become so obsessed with honing his skill to the point of forgetting to eat and take care of himself. He loved the sport, it was the only escape from his troubles that he had at the time. When he did see Iwaizumi during practice, the boy would bark at him and tell him to quit working so hard, to no avail. It was all Tooru had.  
And then came Oikawa's graduation of junior high, as he began looking for high schools. He chose Aoba Johsai, and remarkably, so did Iwaizumi. Oikawa just couldn't lose the kid, so he took the risk and let him back into his life.  
The two started off practicing volleyball together all summer, Iwaizumi making sure that Oikawa was taking breaks, ever so worrisome. It was cute, Oikawa thought, as if it were nothing. But it wasn't nothing. As soon as Oikawa had learned to suppress one thing, he had another thing to hide from Hajime. Stupid Hajime, stupid shitty Hajime, making Oikawa so fond of him, so helplessly infatuated with him.  
This had to be normal though, this was normal, this was something he was sure his mother would approve. So that same summer, Oikawa confessed, in true charming Oikawa fashion. Iwaizumi was surprised, embarrassed, trying desperately to seem aloof, but the soft look in his eyes said it all. And so the two began to date and things were right again, they were normal!

***

But they weren't.  
Tooru had to keep himself from flinching when Hajime would introduce him as his girlfriend, as if each time he said it, he were punching him in the arm and calling him a dumbass (which, was a frequent custom from Hajime, a definite sign of affection). And one day Tooru broke.  
It was out of nowhere really, the two were laying on Oikawa's bedroom floor, staring up at the fan spinning lazily above them. Oikawa just said it out of nowhere, on impulse. "Iwa-chan, would you still love me if I wasn't a girl?" he blurt out, trying to keep a level tone.  
Iwaizumi snorted, not exactly taken off guard, he was used to Tooru asking weird questions like this. "Well," Iwaizumi began. "If this is just some weird way of you asking if I'm gay, this is a weird way to go about it."  
Oikawa shot daggers at Iwaizumi, a pout working at his lower lip, dragging into a frown. "Come on Iwa-chan I'm serious!" the setter whined.  
There was a short, quiet pause, the only sound Oikawa could hear was the dull buzz of the fan and the fast thumping of his nervous heartbeat. And then Iwaizumi spoke.  
"I guess a Shittykawa is a Shittykawa," he teased. "I'd still love you."  
Oikawa's eyes welled up with tears. He cursed himself for being so bad at concealing his emotions before breaking out in a cry, which of course, brought mild horror to Iwaizumi.  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Tooru, did I say something wrong?" he fumbled with his words in a panic.  
Oikawa wiped his tears and shook his head. "I'm the one that's wrong, Iwa-chan, you said everything right and you shouldn't have had to!" he choked out between sobs.  
The spiker's brows knit together with confusion and concern as he set his eyes on his setter. "What are you talking about?" he kept his tone soft, a rare mannerism for Iwaizumi.  
"I'm..." Oikawa's voice trailed off, gasping for breaths, unable to think of words eloquent enough to explain, nothing able to escape his struggling lips. "I'm not a girl? I don't know. It doesn't really make sense, but," he looked up at Hajime, but let his eyes fall again; he didn't want to see Hajime's face when he told him this, didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes, the disapproval he'd been met with as a child. "I feel in my heart more that I'm," the words were stuck in Oikawa's throat, choking him, stunning him, paralyzing him.  
Hajime understood though, he knew what Oikawa was saying and he nodded after a moment. "I told you I'd still love you the same, and I do," he spoke, his voice gruff and defensive.  
"But I'm not a gi-" Oikawa began to speak, confused, but Iwaizumi cut across his words.  
"It's never mattered to me. Really, truly never." Iwaizumi assured him, eyes completely honest.  
Oikawa wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi, loving, happy, tears and snot running down his face, as it always did when he cried like this.  
Before Oikawa went into high school he went though a series of these emotional confessions with his family and close friends; some certainly going more smoothly than others. But in the end, he got out of it what he wanted and that was to be honest, and the closer he got to freedom.  
His mother came around, and was extremely supportive with getting his hair cut and buying new clothes and the whole shabang. Hajime stood by Oikawa through all of it and supported him, he loved his boyfriend and his boyfriend loved him. He started introducing Oikawa as his boyfriend.

***

Years after his high school career, and Tooru still had Hajime by his side, getting ready for bed in their new apartment. Oikawa twisted the engagement ring Iwaizumi had finally plucked up the courage to give him off of his finger and set it carefully on his bedside table before climbing into bed with his fiancé.  
The two laid in comfortable silence, staring at the ceiling like they had when Tooru first came out to Hajime. Tooru was almost always the first to break the silence.  
"Hajime, I'm scared," his voice trembled quietly, muffled by the blanket coming just over his mouth.  
Iwaizumi took Tooru, his Tooru, into his strong arms and held him close to his chest. "What's worrying you?" he asked, using that sweet soft voice again.  
"Am I going to be a good enough husband to you? A good enough father when we have children?" he tried to keep his composure, but a few tears had already slipped from his eyes. "I don't even like myself most of the time, it's so hard for me to actually be happy with anything that I do, with anything about myself the way I am...How can I be good enough for you let alone children?" he whimpered this, tears free falling from his eyes at this point.  
Hajime held his fiancé tighter, and cooed in his ear. "You're everything, Oikawa. There's nothing more you need to give me. And as for children, you're the best man I've ever met, and you'll be the best dad too."  
"No way I'll be better than you," Oikawa mumbled with a small smile that only Hajime could pull out of him.  
Hajime landed a kiss on Tooru's temple and ruffled his hair. "Get some sleep and stop overthinking," he grumbled, sounding more grumpy than he really was.  
  
***

Tooru woke up, messy hair, eyes sleepy, a toddler yelling in his ear to wake up.  
"Daaaads!" the small voice came, right in the middle of a tired married couple.  
"I'm getting up, I'm getting up," Hajime croaked, his voice hoarse after a night of sleeping (and snoring). "Come on Tooru," he whispered, kissing him lazily on his cheek.  
And Tooru had never felt so happy or so free in his whole life.

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this at the end of a very long carride at 2 am so it might not be perfect but i hope you enjoyed it? like 70% was based off of like my personal experiences/thoughts so it's probably not perfect or the best but comments are welcome!! ty for reading 


End file.
